Divorce

[Magnet Man]

Divorced parents, suffering from their own eroded honor of failed commitments, under-cut their children’s trust in basic human values and weaken their personal effort. We graduate from this twelve-year system with a distorted sense of personal and social values. With only one or two siblings, sitting half-interested on the sideline, there is no large family audience left to appreciate and applaud. Uncles and aunts and even grandparents, increasingly removed from the family-tradition loop, rarely turn out for our graduation. Thus instead of our teens being one of sober obligations to the future well being of the collective whole, we tend more towards independent gratification, even outright rebellion and protest.

[murex]

I agree, but I think the problem is marriage.

Watch this-

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXpsT3e8UsM

I love this guy. He's ahead of his time.

[Magnet Man]

murex said:

I agree, but I think the problem is marriage.

Watch this-

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXpsT3e8UsM

I love this guy. He's ahead of his time.

I would say that Stanhope is missing the point. I am talking about the natural morality of marriage commitments not its artificial trappings and legalities.

It is about the sacred trust between two adults to stick together through thick and thin, never to deceive each other, and how that sense of honor is passed down and shared by their children. In this sense marriage is not an unnatural institution. It is the foundation of a cultivated society.

Nature shows us many specie that commit for a life time.

[murex]

Then if they part, it was meant to be so. There is no problem- unless there are children.

I agree with divorce as a problem when children are affected, but I don't know what else to say about it. Maybe a solution can stem from the legality side of marriage. I don't know. People are gonna act like humans no matter what. I see no cure for this problem.

[Kwan Yu]

murex said:

People are gonna act like humans no matter what. I see no cure for this problem.

Humans are natural animals at heart
Voluntary divorce is unnatural.
In nature the male has to be driven off from his family group with force.
The problem is mental dysfunction.
Only crazy people divorce.

[murex]

America has a big divorce rate, and the number 1 cause for divorce is money.

It's backwards.

[soulatom]

murex said:

America has a big divorce rate, and the number 1 cause for divorce is money.

It's backwards.

Well I agree that financial stress can place a heavy burden on marriage but there is no conclusive study which states that it is the number one cause of divorce.

I would say this is a deep and complex issue that you could'nt begin to touch the surface on here in a few short words.

But.....first comes to mind for me is the absence of courtship.
Relationships like most of our lives have evolved to speed dating and instant gratification. How much time do two people spend nowadays to actually discuss their views on finance before they are married? God forbid we even venture on to the other aspects of marriage, children, religous values etc.
Another one comes to mind...extended family. Without the constant watchful eye of family members we lose alot of our accountability, added to the moral dilemma of how we would face them all if caught cheating etc.

Then there are the children. With women not giving birth untill they are in their 40's what's to keep a marriage grounded, creative, and all the other things MM listed above about our dysfunctional natures when we give birth to our children.

Workplace....many a study would show that most affairs start in the workplace. And yes both partners agree that they need to work because they need more money, but if we hadn't begun to lose sight of our value systems and the structure of society itself hadn't started to crumble would we be so materialistically inclined and indebted?

I am just making a quick stab at this....

[murex]

I am personally disappointed with this 'absense of courtship'. It's totally devoid of anything desireable to me. It seems to put more focus on the physical, than any other aspect of a person. I'd prefer to have a good conversation first.

[Kwan Yu]

murex said:

I am personally disappointed with this 'absense of courtship'. It's totally devoid of anything desireable to me. It seems to put more focus on the physical, than any other aspect of a person. I'd prefer to have a good conversation first.

Till death us do part.
If you are an honorable person
then that vow cannot be broken
by anything less than death
Better to spend a few years making sure
you can honor your honor.

[soulatom]

murex said:

I am personally disappointed with this 'absense of courtship'. It's totally devoid of anything desireable to me. It seems to put more focus on the physical, than any other aspect of a person. I'd prefer to have a good conversation first.

Exactly and the longer the courtship the better. Not an eternal one of course. It is true that as soon as the physical aspect becomes involved it changes the dynamic of the relationship and it becomes so much more than it was before physicality took place. And that leads to the responsiblity of the possiblity of children and all the other complexities that a union entails.

Divorce is epidemic and this topic warrants alot more attention.

Nice KwanYu

[Jupiter]

wow what is a courtship? Been a long time since that word circulated. I can't even imagine that happenening now adays. Just thinking about it briefly the fear would you would spend all this time finding out about one person and then find out they weren't the right one, ha make you alot more selective in the first place.

[murex]

courtship = Wanna have sex?

[MagnetMan]

murex said:

courtship = Wanna have sex?

There is sex.
And there is sex with your one and only.

The former is earthy
The latter unites Earth with Heaven.

Pity so many blow it (no pun intended) without ever knowing it.

[callmeharley]

Coming from divorced parents, I can say that it is actually pretty hard to decide which is better, having the two stay together, regardless of their differences, and fight day in and day out, without the child's well-being in mind. Or divorce and take turns with the child, which normally leads to one fighting for full custody, thus ending in yet more conflict between the parents and more hardship for the child. In one sense, when a child is involved, it's a never ending battle.

In a perfect world, parents every where would stay together, live happy lives and raise their children right. But alas, life is not perfect. People, are not perfect.

[soulatom]

callmeharley said:

Coming from divorced parents, I can say that it is actually pretty hard to decide which is better, having the two stay together, regardless of their differences, and fight day in and day out, without the child's well-being in mind. Or divorce and take turns with the child, which normally leads to one fighting for full custody, thus ending in yet more conflict between the parents and more hardship for the child. In one sense, when a child is involved, it's a never ending battle.

In a perfect world, parents every where would stay together, live happy lives and raise their children right. But alas, life is not perfect. People, are not perfect.